Be Strong
by Burn This Bleeding Heart
Summary: You never know how good you have it until it's gone. Will Sebastian see how much pain he has caused? Or will it be too late?
1. Chapter 1

My mother was the best. He cared for me in bad times and in good times. He would sing to me, telling me that there's many ways to express feelings. Each night he would read me a story. We were poor and didn't have enough money to buy a book so mommy would make a book of his own, readying it to me. I would smile and laugh. He would smile sadly. At that time I didn't know why he was always sad, or why he had so many bruises. He would always tell me that he was clumsy and hit himself. I didn't believe mommy, but he would change the topic, not wanting me to find out about something. I was young, a mere boy. I couldn't understand what was happening. Now, I'm a demon, giving my soul to the devil. I know giving my soul to a cruel creature is a sin to all but mother deserved a better life. I always saw him cry, always saw him trying so hard to make things look optimistic. I knew he wasn't happy with his life, even when he said that the only thing that makes him happy is our family, the family that had a cold-hearted father. At that time, I wanted to believe so hard that my father was a nice guy and he had a hard time expressing his true feelings. My father was not supportive and was always away doing something to put food on the table. There was things I didn't understand but when I was given eternal youth, I understood everything with new eyes. The once blurry picture became clear. I looked at the sky, clouds turning grey. It was going to rain and I was okay with that for the first time. I used to be terrified of rain but today was the perfect day for it to rain. Let the rain represent the tears that my mother shed for a bastard of a father. Let the grey clouds be the mood of my mother's heart and let the sun hidden within those sorrowful clouds be the happiness he never found.

I jumped off the branch I was sitting on and walked towards the funeral. I ignore the glares thrown at me and kept walking. I reached my mother's coffin. I opened the casket, heart sinking at the sight of him laying dead. His face was peaceful for the first time. I prayed to see my mother at peace. I guess God heard me and took him away from me. It hurts to know that the kind mother that raised me so well is now laying dead. I slowly touched his cold cheek. There was no warmth, no heartbeat to cherish. I traced his face, remembering all the bruises he tried so hard to cover with make-up. I looked at his closed eyes, the eyes I yearn to see one more time. My mother's eyes were the most beautiful of all these humans.

I noticed he no longer had his reaper glasses, seeing as he would no longer need them in the afterlife.

It was time to understand that God has taken away my mother from me and was in a better place, where there was no hitting, no shouting, no pain at all. My mother, William T. Spears, was in a better place.

I let a single tear fall down my face.

I wiped away the tear and faced the crowd of reapers standing there, mourning for my mother's death. I looked around and recognized the only reapers that had my mother's back all the time. Sutcliff was glaring at me, Alan nodded in understanding and Eric wanted to rip me into pieces. I wouldn't blame them. I am a demon, a creation of the devil himself. I deserved all the murderous glares.

I kept looking and caught the sight of Earl Phantomhive. It would see he was giving his respect to my mother. A tall figure stood beside the earl and there was no mistake it was my father. Our eyes met and I felt anger boil through my veins. It was all his fault my mother is dead. Sebastian fucking Michaelis was the cause of my mother's suffering. I will make sure to burn the bastard in the flames of Hell. He will pay for all the years of misery. He will pay for all the years of blood being shed.

I directed my gaze to Undertaker. The retired reaper was the only person I would consider as my father. He was there when my mother was weak, he was there when things seemed to crumble to the ground. Undertaker would forever be the man that I wished was my father instead of Michaelis.

He looked up at me, smiling.

Undertaker had done an amazing job with the funeral and I thank him for that.

I take off my hat, letting it fall to the ground. I removed my sunglasses and coat. The reapers flinched, expecting me to be at their throats at any moment. I had no reasons to kill anyone, except the demon butler that dared come here. Michaelis didn't deserve to see my mother's coffin be lowered down to the ground. Michaelis didn't deserve to place a flower on my mother's gravestone.

I cleared my throat, feeling a hole forming. I took a deep breath.

"I know you all think that I don't belong here but I do. My mother had secrets like all of us do; however, today I shall uncover those hidden secrets and reveal them all to you. I'm Claude Faustus, son of William T. Spears and I'm here to say goodbye to my mother."

Everyone's eyes widened, speechless.

"He didn't want anyone knowing about my real parentage because it was not something you would like to see."

"Wh-why...?" Sutcliff choked out.

"He was afraid that everyone would know of...the man that calls himself my father."

I would not let my tears fall. I would not let the demon butler see me crumble.

"I was there when my mother died, once as a human and now as a reaper. I held him in my arms, his blood covering me. He said that if one day death comes for his soul, to read his diary I cherished for so many years."

I took out a black card, placing it flat on my left palm. In a blink of an eye, a locked diary appeared. I took out the key from my pants and unlock the diary my mother and I hid under my bed each day. I opened it to a random page. I took another deep breath, words spilling out of my mouth.

_September 29, 1411_

Today was a normal day. I woke up early to help mommy. She always woke up at five to clean the house from the attic to the basement. I put on my clothes and bunny slippers and open the door of my room quietly as to not disturb my father's sleep time. I walked down the steps and inside the kitchen.

"Good morning, mommy," I greeted with a smile, which fell off my face when I saw a purple bruise on mommy's right cheek.

I ran up to him, looking into his teary eyes. He had been crying. There was no way he could hide the fact that something wrong happened. He knelt down and placed a kiss on my forehead, smiling. I placed my palm over the purple cheek.

"Mommy, what happened? Why is there a bruise on your cheek?"

He looked away for a minute and looked back at me. I could see the sadness in his eyes. I wanted to know why he was hurting.

"I-It's nothing, love. I just hit myself while cleaning the attic. Don't worry, I'm fine."

I could hear sadness in his voice. I wanted to say something but I heard my father's footsteps. He was awake. I raised an eyebrow when I saw my mom flinch. He got up and wiped away the tears on his eyes. He then rushed to place the plates full of food on the table. I dropped the subject and sat down on my chair. I gasped when mommy gently pulled me out of the chair. I looked at him, wondering why he did that.

He looked back down at me and said, "Daddy has to sit down first before we do, love. That's the rules of the house."

I nodded, standing beside my mother. I saw my father walk in the kitchen, tired. I looked at him. My eyes stopped when I saw a red mark on his neck.

"What are you looking at?" Daddy asked in anger.

I looked down, not knowing what to say. Daddy was always in a bad mood in the morning. All I could do is stay quiet around him. Father huffed, sitting down on his chair and began eating. I looked up at mommy, waiting for him to say something. Mommy just smiled and sat down on his chair. I followed and sat on my chair. Mommy and I said our prayers. I opened my eyes, looking at the table. I noticed that there was only two bowls of soup. That was not right. There was one for daddy and one for...

I looked back at mommy, asking, "Where's your food, okaa-san?"

"Don't worry, love. Eat fast. You're going to be late for school."

"B-but..."

"Shut up! I have a headache and I don't want to hear your voices," daddy growled.

"I'm sorry..." mommy apologize.

Father just huffed in annoyance and kept eating. I ate my food, wanting mommy to eat, too. He looked abnormally thin. I didn't want mommy dying. I finished my soup and wiped my mouth with the napkin. I got off the chair and went to get dressed. I went upstairs and opened the door to my room. I opened the last drawer of my dresser. Mommy walked in, helping me change into my school uniform.

"Mommy, why didn't you eat?"

"Son, we only have money to pay for the rent, your education and food for two. Don't worry, son. You need to be strong, okay?"

I looked into his sad eyes. I nodded, not wanting to argue with him. When I was ready, I held my mother's hand. We walked downstairs. Mommy pulled me close to him, pressing himself against the rail to give space for my father to walk. Daddy just kept walking, his heavy footsteps scary me. I looked up at mommy to ask why daddy was in a bad mood. I only got a sad smile and a kiss on the forehead. We kept walking to the front door.

Mommy knelt down and fixed my bow tie.

"I want you to be a good boy, okay? Listen to Miss Nayel and don't get in trouble," he whispered, almost in fear.

"Yes, mommy."

"I love you," he said with a wide smile, hugging me.

"I love you, too."

I kissed his cheek and walked out the house, heading towards school. Education was expensive, adults have told me. I could be in the house helping my mother but I wanted to be really smart so one day I could buy mommy everything. I smiled, running to school. I saw kids talking, laughing and playing. I ignored them and walked inside Miss Nayel's house she turned into a school. I walked up to Miss Nayel. She was the most beautiful person after my mommy. Her golden curls cascaded down to her shoulders, her hazelnut eyes sweet and innocent. Her skin was the purest of white. I heard that she was getting married soon.

"Hello, Claude. How is you and your mother doing?" she asked sweetly.

"Fine, Miss Nayel. May I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what is it?"

I looked at the ground and then back at her.

"Is my mommy too skinny?" I asked.

"Well, I haven't seen him for quite a while. The last time I saw your mommy was at a the market. To tell you the truth, hon, he did look too skinny. Is your mommy eating three meals each day?"

"Today we only had enough for two so he didn't eat."

"That's not good. Here, have this."

My eyes widened when Miss Nayel placed some coins in my hand.

"Use this to buy at least a piece of cake for your mother, okay? Don't lose it."

"Y-yes," I said and placed the coins in my pockets.

Miss Nayel's sister rang the bell, telling the kids to come in. I sat at the front desk, third row. Class began and I paid attention, wanting to learn as much as possible. The bell rang again hours later. I waited for all the kids to go out. When the class was empty, I got out of my seat and grabbed my notebook and pencil. I was about to walk out of the classroom when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Miss Nayel smiling.

"Take care, Claude, and tell your mother to eat."

"Okay."

I smiled and ran towards the bakery shop. I opened the door.

"Is that you, Claude? Oh, my boy, how I missed you! You have grown so much!" Mr. River said.

Mr. River was a strong, elderly man baking all day. He loved to bake and I haven't seen him for months. I ran up to him and hugged him, but only managed to hug his big belly.

I giggled.

"What brings you here, son?"

"I want to buy a piece of cake for mommy."

"I have the perfect cake. And it's for free."

"B-but..."

"No excuses. You are my favorite customer. Here."

Mr. River gave me a medium cake for three in a small white box. I bowed down in gratitude and left. I ran home, wanting to see mommy smile when I give him the cake. I placed my notebook on top of the box so I could open the door. I walked in and closed the door.

"Mommy, I'm back-"

My eyes widened when I saw daddy slam a plate of food on the floor.

"You call that cooking? It tasted like shit!"

"I-I'm sorry," mommy apologized, biting his bottom lip.

"You're always making fucking mistakes! Clean this mess!"

"Y-yes. It won't happen again..."

Daddy cursed again and stormed to his room, slamming the door behind him. I placed the box on the table and kneel beside my mommy. He was crying, trembling in fear.

"Mama? Mama? What happened?" I asked, heart sinking each second.

He looked away, wiping away his tears with his sleeve. He took deep breathes and said, "N-nothing, love... Your daddy didn't like what I cooked. Don't worry, I'm okay. Go clean your hands."

I nodded, going to wash my hands. I came back, watching mommy on the floor cleaning the floor with a piece of cloth. I saw the tears rolling down his face. I walk to him and wrap my little arms around his waist.

"Don't cry, mommy," I tell him.

He smiled and placed me on his lap.

"Don't worry, love. You have to be strong in life. Come, I'll serve you some food."

I kiss his wet cheek and nodded. Mommy carried me in his warm arms, placing me on my seat. He grabbed a plate with white rice and pieces of sausage and placed it on the table in front of me. He sat beside me, looking at the box.

"What is that?"

"Mr. River gave it to me."

"Why?"

"He said I was his favorite customer."

Mommy smiled, caressing my cheek. I grabbed the fork and began eating, swinging my legs back and forth. I ate happily. Half way, I said, "Try the cake, mommy."

"Okay."

Mommy got up and went to get a knife and plate. He came back, placed my notebook on the table and opened the cardboard box. He cut a piece for me and him. He sat back down on his chair and ate silently. I look at the floor mommy had cleaned.

"Mommy, does daddy hit you?" I asked almost inaudibly.

"N-no, why would you say that?"

"It's because I always see you cry and you always have bruises..."

"Oh, son, your daddy is just having a bad day."

"Okay..."

I didn't speak after that. I ate my food and cake. When I was done, I helped mommy wash the dishes and place the cake in a glass container. I brushed my teeth and went to my room, holding my mommy's hand. Mommy changed me in my white pajamas, tucking me in the bed. I held my teddy bear, Luka. Mommy sat beside me, picking up the book he made for me. He read it fluidly, smiling and making funny accent for each character. I smiled. When he was done, he gave me a kiss on the forehead and said goodnight. I watched mommy close the door. I soon closed my eyes and fell asleep.

_Dear diary,_

_Today was the same, nothing has changed in over five years. Claude is still the sunshine in my life. _

_I open the door to the room I shared with Sebastian. He was asleep. I took off my clothes and changed into only a white shirt and black shorts. I laid on the floor curled up. I was not allowed to sleep on the bed with him. He said he needed space to sleep. I could go sleep on the couch but I don't want Claude to suspect anything. I endure the pain because I had a family to raise, especially my beautiful son, Claude. I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful child. I couldn't ask for more. My son is the reason I wake up early and do house chores. I have to always wear a smile on my face around Claude. He's too young to understand the things I go through each day. He's just a boy and should only know happiness. He asked me today if his father hit me. I wanted to break down and cry but I stayed strong. _

_While Sebastian was gone, I spent my time looking out the window, watching happy couples laugh and giggle, making me aware of a life I will never have. _

_Anyways, Claude brought me a cake. It made me happy to eat something sweet for so long. I don't even remember the last time I ate a cake. Sebastian doesn't allow me to eat candy or bread. He said that he didn't want a fat wife in his house. The sad part, I'm not even his wife. I don't know what I am to him. He always makes me feel like a piece of trash. I wonder if he even loves me at all._

_Well, that's all I have to say for today. I say my prayers and lock you back under Claude's bed. _

_Goodnight and hope I live to see another day._

_William T. Spears_


	2. Chapter 2: Pain

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji._**

**_Review!_**

* * *

_September 30, 1411_

I woke up really early today. I'm not sure why. I heard yelling coming from my parent's room. I got out of bed, putting on my slippers. I slowly open my door enough to see the commotion. I saw mommy backing away from daddy. I wanted to run to mommy but I knew my father would punish me if I tried to intervene in their discussion. I stayed silent, watching the scene before me.

"Who gave you that cake?" father shouted.

"M-Mr. River gave it to me."

My father grabbed my mother's wrist, slamming him to the wall.

"Don't you dare lie! I bet you let him fuck you."

"N-no... I swear-"

"Don't you dare swear!"

Mommy was thrown to the ground with a harsh slap across the face. I bit my bottom lip, trembling in fear. My heart was breaking each minute. I didn't want to see mommy get hurt. He deserved better. I put my hand over my mouth when I saw daddy grab mommy by the hair and pulled him up. I let my tears fall as my father dragged my mom down the stairs.

"I fucking work to put food on the table and this is how you repay me?"

Mommy bit her bottom lip.

"P-please... I didn't have sex with him... Sebastian-"

"Shut up!"

* * *

**William's P.O.V**

I shut my eyes, head hurting from his harsh grip. I didn't want Claude to wake up, I didn't want him to see this. For five years, I took all the hits, knowing I was to stay quiet. I was twenty-one when I met Sebastian. He was nice at first but that all changed after I gave my virginity to him. He began to abuse me, calling me names and making fun of my vulnerability. I had cried myself to sleep when I found out I was pregnant. I prayed to God that my child would be born healthy. Later on, Sebastian didn't give me food and forced me to quit my job because I was his bitch to fuck.

I would always curl up in a corner, letting my tears fall because I knew I was stuck in this abyss forever.

Sebastian soon found out about my pregnancy when I was five months. He had asked for an abortion but I didn't let him, instead I would let him beat me up. Years passed by and it would be the same. I would be taking care of Claude and he would come home drunk with marks on his neck. Once I asked him where he was. It was my second mistake I ever made in my life. That night, he beat me up severely to the point I couldn't move.

When Claude was one-years-old, he spoke his first words: mama. I smiled but pressed Claude to my chest when I saw Sebastian come home with a woman. He said I was just a person living here for tonight. I would go outside with Claude, sitting on the hill I love to be at. Claude grew and I tried hiding my bruises and Sebastian's sick fetish of making me bleed. I had scars on my back to prove all of Sebastian's sick games. Then Claude had the courage to ask me where I got all the bruises and I would say I was just clumsy and hit myself. I was brought from my thoughts when Sebastian slapped me again. I bit my bottom lip harder, not wanting to make any noise, or else he would hit me harder. Sebastian would laugh each time I cried. He would make fun of me and call me names. I couldn't do anything. He was more powerful. I was the little white lamb cowering while he was the wolf ready to feast.

He dragged me by the collar and into the kitchen. I was terrified. All his abuse has weakened me. I could only pray to God that I would live to see another day, to hug my dear son I love with all my heart. Sebastian grabbed the glass container and slammed the lid on the floor. I flinched, wanting to run but knowing there was no place to hide. He would eventually find me and punish me severely, to the point that I would stay paralyzed forever.

I gasped when he yanked my hair harder. With his other hand, he opened my mouth before I could close it.

"You better keep it open, bitch."

A single tear fell down my cheek. I kept my mouth open. He then slammed his hand on the cake and grabbed a handful, forcing it down my throat without mercy. I gagged, my trembling hands too weak to help me.

He pulled on my hair harder.

"How does that taste, whore? Does it taste good?"

I looked at his murderous eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply.

"Let this be a lesson, William. Don't fucking mess with me."

When all the cake was shoved in my mouth, Sebastian stormed out of the kitchen. I collapsed to the ground, crying silently. I watched my tears fall to my lap. My shaking hands wrapped around my sore throat, trying to ease the pain away. I sobbed, wanting to know what I did to deserve this. Why me? Why was I so stupid in believing his lies? Why am I so useless? I looked around, making sure I was alone.

I got up, going to find the broom. I open the door to the closet and take out the broom, walking back inside the kitchen. I gather the broken pieces of the glass lid, making sure not a tiny piece was left on the floor. I cleaned the cake staining the tablecloth, not wanting Claude asking what happened. He was too young to know about this.

I looked at what was left of the cake. I sat down, placing the broom on the floor. I reached for what was left of the cake. I brought the smashed pieces to my mouth, rocking in sobs. I ate it desperately. I had always wanted to share a cake with Sebastian. I never knew it would be like this. I wipe my tears with my apron, trying to calm down.

I sighed, returning to what I was told to do. I placed the shattered glass in a paper bag and placed it in the trash container. I then cleaned my face. I had stopped crying minutes ago, knowing that crying wouldn't solve anything. I prepared breakfast, hearing Sebastian walk around the house, getting ready for work, work that I haven't asked him about. I, his supposed wife, not knowing what we did? It sounded pathetic. I was pathetic. My big mouth had gotten me in trouble all the time Sebastian was nearby. From all the beating and yelling, I finally learned that I should shut my mouth and be the nice housewife Sebastian wanted me to be.

No one knows who I really am. They think I am the butler of Sebastian. They also believe Claude's mother had died during labor and I took care of him while Sebastian recovered from his supposed wife's death. I heard small footsteps and knew that Claude was awake. I had put on make-up to cover the new bruises. I smiled when Claude came inside. He looked at me with sad eyes. I walked to him.

"What's wrong, love?"

"I...I..."

I stood up straight when Sebastian walked in. I pull Claude close to me, moving away from Sebastian's way. Another rule of this house is: never get in Sebastian's way or else.

I waited for Sebastian to sit down first before I could. Sebastian ate his scrambled eggs, not bothering to say good morning to his son. I sat Claude in his chair, placing a napkin on his lap. He thanked me and began eating. I sit down beside my son and folded my hands in my lap, waiting for my son to finish so I could change him into his school uniform.

"Mama, aren't you going to eat?" Claude whispered, looking down at his food.

"No... I already ate..."

"Okay..."

We were silent during the meal. Sebastian got up, going back to his room to brush his teeth. I got up and picked his empty plate and glass of water. I then placed it on the sink. Once Claude was done, he helped me wash the dishes.

"Mama, why don't you walk me to school?"

"Your father said I should be in the house cleaning. Don't worry, love."

Claude nodded, going upstairs without asking me more questions. I followed him. He sat on the edge of his bed, looking at the floor. I helped him undress and put on his school uniform. I dusted off his pants, wanting him to look his best at all times.

I was tying his bow tie when he asked, "Do you love daddy?"

I froze, not knowing what to say. My heart ached.

"Yes, Claude. I love him."

"Does he love you, too, mommy?"

I felt as if an arrow went through my heart. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Yes, son... He loves me..."

"Then why does he scream out you?"

"He is just having a bad day. Everything's fine. Don't worry."

"When will he not be having a bad day?"

"I..."

The wooden clock rang. I finished tying Claude's bow tie and put on his shoes.

"Hurry, you're going to be late for school."

I rushed Claude downstairs, giving him all he needed for school. I kissed Claude's forehead.

"I love you," I tell him.

"I love you, too, mommy."

I smiled, watching him walk out of the house and headed towards school. I begin cleaning, knowing that Sebastian liked to see the house spotless. I stopped cleaning the window when he was headed towards the front door, wearing his expensive black suit.

"Have a nice day," I say happily.

"Shut up. I don't need to hear your voice."

My eyes looked at the ground, hair covering my sad eyes. I heard the door open and close, his footsteps fade. I sighed, going back to what I do best, cleaning. All day, I cleaned, hitting my stomach when it begged for food. It was almost time for Sebastian to return. I go to the kitchen and begin cooking dinner. We could only offered two meals each day so I had to eat Sebastian's leftovers, which was merely crumbs or droplets of food. I got used to hunger. It was not a bother after I gave birth. Again, my stomach growled at the smell of pasta. I hit myself harder, teaching my body that I was not important, that I should stop whining and man up.

I placed the pasta on bowls, adding the sauce. I heard the door open and knew it was Sebastian. Like usual, no hello, no I'm home, nothing. He just went to his room. I got used to the silence a long time ago. I placed the two bowls of pasta on the table.

"Get your ass over here, idiot!"

And that was how I was addressed when I did a mistake. I went to the living room. Sebastian was looking at the drawing Claude made two days ago, but I found it under his bed. My heart jumped for joy at the drawing of Claude and I smiling happily under a rainbow. I decided to place it where everyone could see. Unfortunately, that was another mistake in Sebastian's eyes.

"What is this crap?"

My heart sank again.

"T-that's Claude's drawing he did at school. I placed in front of the vase so everyone could see-"

"How many times have I told you to keep that child from doing nonsense?"

"Two hundred forty-six times..."

My eyes widened when he grabbed the drawing and was about to rip it. I snatched it from his arms.

"Did you just take that without my permission?"

I swallowed deeply, backing away. I groaned when he grabbed my hair, pulling me down to the floor. I curled up in a ball, Claude's drawing pressed tightly against my chest. This was the only thing I had that Claude made for me behind Sebastian's back.

"Protect that paper all you want. It won't save you from this!"

I slapped a hand over my mouth, feeling Sebastian's foot slam into my stomach. I dug my nails in my flesh, holding back a scream of pain. Sebastian hit me again. I was shaking and gasping for air when he hit me four more times, each one harder than the previous. I didn't look up, instead I looked at the plain wall. I hissed when Sebastian slammed his foot on my right ankle.

"Learn your place in this world, idiot!"

I nodded. Minutes after laying on the floor, I sat up, ignoring the pain in my leg and stomach. I got up, my arms pressing the drawing closer to my chest. I limped up the stairs, biting my tongue. I finally made it to Claude's room. I opened the door, walking inside. I closed the door behind me, limping forward. I sat on Claude's bed. I looked around, placing the drawing on the nightstand. It was better for Claude to keep his drawing here, the most safest place in the house. I was stupid for thinking Sebastian would show compassion. I'm a complete idiot.

I lifted my shirt to reveal purple bruises littering my skin. I even knew when each bruise was made and why it was there. Fortunately, today Sebastian didn't break a rib. I pulled down my shirt and checked on my ankle. I traced my cold fingers over the aching area. It was not broken but will be hurting for days.

"Get your useless ass down here!"

I had no choice but to do as I was told. I got up and walked to the kitchen. I stand in the corner of the room. Rule number four: be away from Sebastian as possible unless instructed otherwise.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"I don't want to see you here. My boss is coming in four hours."

"Yes. I'll make sure not to be here."

I heard the door open. Claude was back from school. He hugged me tightly, not knowing that I was in deep pain. I swallowed my agony and locked it deep inside of me.

"How was school today, love?" I asked with a big smile on my face, even when I was breaking down inside.

"Good. We learned math."

"That's great. Go wash your hands."

"Okay, mommy."

I sat down on my chair, hands flinching, begging me to caress my aching stomach. I ignored my mind and waited for Claude. He came back and began eating his pasta. I fixed his hair, noticing it was all messed up. Claude looked in my eyes, giving his half eaten food to me.

I shook my head. He frowned.

"Eat, mommy."

"No, love. I already ate."

"You'll-"

"What part of he already ate didn't you get?" Sebastian snapped.

Claude nodded, looking at his hands.

"Forgive me, father."

I wanted to run away with my son but I couldn't. I was chained up in this life. When they were finished eating, I told Claude to pack some things so we can go find some fireflies. I got up and went to wash the dishes. When I was finished, I packed some things needed.

Once each two weeks, I am forced to go to the woods and stay there while Sebastian talks with his boss. I found out that he is ashamed of us, especially me. He would rather make everyone believe he lives alone rather than accepting he has a son. As for me, I got used to him calling me his servant or a nobody, a mere stranger, even I homeless person. What could I do? I was weak and pathetic.

"We're going now," I say.

"I don't care."

I opened the door and held Claude's hand. The woods was only one mile from here. We began walking, watching the sun going back to its resting place. The noises of crickets was the only thing that could be heard.

Minutes later, I heard the noise of a horse coming from behind. I looked back, recognizing the rider. It was Undertaker. His job was to bury the rich people, at the most peaceful places.

Undertaker was a kind man, yet crazy at some moments. He was the only one that truly understand what I'm going through. He was there when my father died. Undertaker raised me along with my mother. He was a father to me. He taught me everything I know. If I fall, he would be there to save me.

I smiled when his black horse stopped beside me, nuzzling my face. I looked at Undertaker.

"Want a ride? I made cookies."

"Say yes, mommy. Say yes."

I smiled and said, "Thank you. We would love that."

I lift Claude and sat him in front of Undertaker. I then hopped on, knowing I would be safe with the grey haired man. We arrive to his small house. Undertaker lived far from the people, wanting to be alone.

We got off the horse and went inside. You could notice that Undertaker was obsessed with death. I found it comforting. Undertaker offered us tea and cookies. Claude had eaten six cookies and a cup of warm milk before falling asleep on the couch. I placed a blanket over his small body. My son looked like an angel sent to me from heaven.

"Still getting hit?"

I looked up, looking at his scarred face.

"Only when I do something wrong..."

"When will it stop?

"I'm not sure..."

"Well, I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you..."

"No problem."

When Undertaker was out of the living room, I got out my diary, wanting to write my feelings.

_Dear diary,_

_The same thing again. Sebastian got mad about the drawing Claude made. To him, all that matters was money. I'm not sure if he sees us as his family or if we are just an obstacle in his way. I fear I would never know what happened to the nice Sebastian I came to love and respect._

_Anyways, I ate cake again but not in the way I hoped. I now begin to understand that dreaming of a brighter life was useless. Why should I dream when Sebastian will only burn my life to the ground? Why try to be better when every step I take, it's a stupid mistake. _

_No matter how much I pray, Sebastian won't change, not even for his son. _

_If I die, I want him to know that I loved him and I still do...even when he treats me like trash. _

_That's all for today. Hope I live to see another day._

_William T. Spears_


End file.
